Musings of a Child, Wife, Mom, Daughter, Friend, Employee, Mentor, Teacher, Coach, etc...

To say that I have felt somewhat overwhelmed of late is a definite understatement.  I know that so many of you out there are feeling quite the same way.  As a matter of fact, I have just sat down in the floor and cried a few times in the last few months because I felt life and its cares and worries closing in on me.  In the few conversations that I have actually had with peers in the last several months, and in reading a few blogs that I follow, I am getting the same message from them.  We all have so many shoes to fill...all shoes which we believe NEED to be filled.  But frankly, how far can one stretch yourself and still feel like you are being effective?  It is human nature to want to feel like you measure up, feel like you are keeping up, feel like your life has significance, or feel like other people think your life has significance?  No wonder there is a overwhelming sense of life closing in.  So where did things begin to change for me.  I haven't always felt this way...

I think about my present lifestyle and compare it to just 8 years ago:

• I worked less hours at my secular job 20-23hrs/wk VS. 34-40hrs/wk at present.
• My kids extracurricular activities might have consisted of an hour or two each WEEK vs. school day now lasting from 7am to at least 7pm most every weeknight. 
• I fixed home-cooked meals about every night VS. once a week now (maybe).
• My bills/accounting stayed up to date and balanced to the penny VS. now I'm not sure what's even due right now.
• I was on a budget VS. now "what's that?"
• My laundry was never more than a load behind VS. right now there are piles of clothes in most every room of the house right now. 
• House cleaning was on a schedule so that even those jobs that get done just a few times a year were getting done VS. now I don't even know where to start.
• My pantry had shelf labels so I would know where everything went and when I needed to purchase something VS. now when I go to get something for lunches and the shelf is empty, that's how I know it's time to go to the store.
• I took the time to entertain occasionally and have a semblance of a social life VS I'm not real sure when the last time was that we had any friends over.
• I played golf for my exercise VS. I have played golf about 6 times in the last 8 years and walking to the mailbox would be a major WOD for me.
• My yard was beautiful...year round VS. right now the woods seem to be growing in on us.
• I read at least one book every week VS. the fact that I have not read a single Christian fiction novel in over 3 years.

I think you get the picture.  This is my one day off this week and right this minute, as I sit here writing this, I look around me and see dishes in the sink, clothes piled in every room that need to be laundered, dust on EVERYTHING, balloons still up from birthday festivities of LAST WEEK, a stack of 3 months of bank statements (unopened), a to-do list that has no end, every bed in this house is unmade, I need to spend some one-on-one time with my teenage daughter, there are individuals I know that are going through tough times that I need to send a card, I should be spending some time with my Mom and Mom-in-law, I should be planning a weekend or just a night out with my husband, I need to exercise, I need to get groceries, I need to go get my oil changed in my car, I need to plan an end of the year party for our basketball team, I need to make plans for my Mom and my Mom-in-law's birthdays, I need to take some food to a family member whose baby boy has been very sick, I need to study for my weekly Bible studies, I need to spend some time with HIM...to see how HE can use me today. 

Ahhh, herein lies my problem...my time with HIM.  First and foremost in my life the shoe I must fill is being a Child...the child of my heavenly Father. He is the least needy of everyone...all He wants is my attention and my love.  And all I have to do to fill that shoe is to just spend time with HIM...talk to HIM, worship HIM, have a RELATIONSHIP with HIM.

I believe that part of the sense of overwhelming for me has actually, in fact, been a blessing.  If you will notice, 8 years ago, all of those "things" that I was accomplishing were for my self-satisfaction for the most part.  I have never been pressured by my husband or family about keeping everything in order.  All the pressure came from me.  But in the last 3 or 4 years, my life has been transitioning in a huge way.  During this time our theology has made a huge U-turn of sorts.  Being immersed in the Word, in the doctrines of reformed theology and hearing the true "Gospel" for the first time has changed me.  It's not about me; it's not about what I do or don't do; it's not about what I have or don't have;  IT IS ABOUT HIM.  It is about HIM using me to accomplish HIS will...living out the GOSPEL everyday and in every way...realizing that I am blessed to be a blessing to others...

I have always heard that when one is feeling overwhelmed you should streamline your life...prioritize...figure out what is important and what is not...what needs to be done now and what can wait...what has eternal significance and what does not...

Just in the time that I have been sitting here, I think about why I am so far behind in all of my "duties".  A couple of things come to my mind.  For the last several months, I took on two different opportunities to be able to pour into young girl's lives.  Did it pull me away from keeping my pantry organized, having all my clothes laundered, having home cooked meals every night, etc...?  Yes.  Was it worth it? You better believe it...If I am able to show Jesus to one young lady it is worth it...eternal significance...that's what I'm talking about!

Suddenly, as I look around, I still see clothes piled up and dishes in the sink...but I am not looking at them with a sense of dread or guilt.  I will get done what I can AFTER I have spent time with HIM to see what opportunities HE might have for me today. 

Priorities...I will first put all of my energies into being the CHILD that I need to be...building my relationship with HIM...I just have a feeling that by putting this first, all of these other shoes will be filled in time and in just the right manner and in a way that will be pleasing to HIM.

Peace...



                       

Me and My Baby...or might I say Young Lady...

My baby has grown up on me...I blinked and all of a sudden I no longer have a baby girl but a young lady. I think this summer was sort of the break point where she emerged out of her baby girl "ways" into her young lady "ways". Anyone that has ever followed my blog (that I once was very good about keeping up to date) will know that I am very proud of my daughter. She is my bright and beautiful "fountain of joy".

We just spent this last weekend together going through Family Life's "Passport to Purity" program. She and I headed out of town...just us...to reconnect, to learn more about each other, to study the Word and how it relates to her teen years, to set boundaries NOW, and to reinforce the fact that God wants to have FIRST PLACE in everything. It was an absolutely mind boggling weekend...in every way. The program suggests that you go away and include in the teaching some type of adventure that you will do together and then celebrate with a nice dinner and gift.

I chose for us to go to a nearby resort that has the world's largest canopy zip lines! She and I are (were) both afraid of heights. So I knew this would be a good choice that we could conquer together...kinda like these teen years coming upon us.
We were both scared to death on Saturday morning before that first zip. With just a couple of tears in her eyes, I whispered into her ear as we waited in the treehouse, "Baby, that cable and harness is your lifeline...as long as you hold onto that you will be alright...just like the next challenging teen years...God is your lifeline...hold onto Him and Mom & Dad will also be right behind you, just like I am on this zip line, close by, facing right along with you whatever challenges come our way." At that point, she stepped off the treehouse...sailing away from me. I knew there was nothing I could do for her...but I wasn't worried because she was holding on for dear life to that harness...her lifeline.

There were so many analogies with the program and our adventure that I could never mention them all. It was a weekend orchestrated by God that I honestly believe changed both of our lives forever.

We concluded our weekend with a nice dinner and I presented her with a purity ring. As I gave her the ring, I explained to her that the ring was 60 years old. It had been her Great Grandmother's wedding band...handed down to each generation. It had 3 stones and I explained to her that the middle stone represented God, the right stone represented her parents and the left stone represented the husband that God had for her. This ring gave her three reasons to maintain her boundaries and keep her life and mind pure in every way. And most importanly to keep God first and foremost in her life.

God is so good...I will never, ever forget this weekend. And I don't think my daughter will either...

I know one day she will step off that treehouse ledge and sail away from me...and I won't be jumping off behind her this time. That ring on her left hand will be put away in safe keeping for her future daughter and replaced by one from her husband. At that point he will be right there with her...both of them holding on tight to that harness as their lifeline..

And I'll be the old lady over at the EXTREME Zip Line course having the time of my life!!!

Peace...

Passport to Purity Weekend!

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STOP...SIT DOWN...SHUT UP!

First off let me begin by saying how ANGRY I am at myself for going 5 months without blogging!!!! Makes me want to throw a 2 year old tantrum!! Honestly, these months have absolutely flown by...literally. We have had so many events come and go without any posting. For example: winning basketball season, spelling bee and math olympic winners, jr. cotillion dance, Aa first time away at camp, Ab first time away for 2 weeks in Colorado, personal health issues, father/daughter dance, dealing with death, summer love, cancer...again, riding GOLIATH at Six Flags, basketball camp, turning 50 years old, trips, and I could go on and on. So many ideas, thoughts, emotions and memories have now passed me by with no documentation of them. Our lives have gone into overdrive on a ice-covered hillside...hold on tight...we are out of control!

However, due to certain circumstances, shoulder surgery on Wednesday being the main one, I have been made to STOP...SIT DOWN...& SHUT UP. I do believe that our sovereign God allows certain circumstances just to get our attention...can I just say that He has mine? The very things that I allow to control me are currently OUT OF MY HANDS...

#1 My family is out buying school supplies and groceries as I peck away(literally!) at this computer (something that just a week ago I would not have permitted lest it might not "be done right").

#2 I am at the mercies of anyone who will drive me to and fro (I am a very independent person who has no desire to have to depend on anyone for anything and just shutters at the thought of having to ask).

#3 I am not able to work at my job right now (I was made to work..."you don't work, you don't eat" is my motto).

#4 I am unable to get dressed, fold a load of clothes, make school lunches and check homework all at the same time while jumping on a pogo stick (just kidding about that last part) without help from my family. (My pride tells me that I can do it better than anyone else can so I just do it all myself. It's not because my family won't help, but because I think I can do it better myself).

But this mindset has had to come to a screeching halt. I am not SuperWoman. It is time to reset my priorities and get first things first. So I have definitely STOPPED...I am finally SITTING DOWN...and now if only I will SHUT UP and LISTEN to the ONE who has total control over my life and every minute detail. My prayer is that I will glean what I need to from this time and become a better witness for the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

Shhhhh...did you hear that?

"We can rest confident in the fact nothing will happen to us in this world apart from the gracious will of a sovereign God. Nothing." David Platt, author of Radical



Peace...

Questions Only I Can Answer...

In our area right now we are experiencing some beautiful "early" spring sunshine. The last few weeks of our lives have been incredibly busy with VERY LITTLE down time. But this afternoon I just had to take advantage of a few minutes laying across a pillow in our sunroom with the sunshine pouring through our windows. I positioned myself just so the sun would warm my pale and winterized face. It could not have been more than 10 minutes that I suddenly felt a cool shade cover my face...even though my eyes remained shut. And then I felt the pair of eyes that were staring at me...even though my eyes remained shut. I felt the heavy breathing and smelled that notorious "outside kid smell". At this point I had to open my eyes...that was when I saw two beautiful blue eyes inches away from my eyes...staring into the deep recesses of my mind. When I opened my eyes, Aa said he needed to ask me something...my typical answer when I am trying to enjoy a few surreal moments is "go ask your Dad". His response was, "Mom, this question is one that only you can answer". Oh, how sweet, only I could help him...no one else would do...i'm still the only girl for him...

"Mom, could you get up and go in the other room to lay down so I can play 'Just Dance' on the Wii?"

Enough said...

Peace

Round Ball Legends...Ha!

I loved basketball...still love to get out and shoot some hoops! I began playing when I was in the 7th grade and played through high school and then college. I was never on a winning team until I went off to college to play. Not only was I not on a winning team through grade school and high school, I was on a TERRIBLE team. I once scored 43 points in one game...we still lost. Through those 6 years, I lost count, but I think we had 7 different coaches. And let me tell you, until you have faced defeat the way I did for 6 years, there was nothing like finally having that "winning" feeling. (Please remember that this picture is from the "very early" 80's!)

Well, I have said all of this and embarrassed myself with this picure in order to say that I am so glad that my baby girl has experienced winning at an early stage of her basketball career! I know there is a lot to learn and glean from losing...and I know we can't win all the time...and I know that it's not all about winning...BUT MY BABY AND HER TEAM GOT 1ST PLACE IN THEIR MIDDLE SCHOOL LEAGUE!!! Ummmmph...you go girls!!! SO PROUD OF OUR MIDDLE SCHOOL GIRLS AND THE TENACITY THEY SHOWED THIS 2011 SEASON!!

Little Blessings...

So proud of Aa and Ab! Bless you both...2nd place for both in 2011 ACSI Math Olympics and Ab garnered 3rd in 2011 ACSI Spelling Bee! (They are just like their Mom!! Ha Ha! Not really! I wish I could take credit for that!) To God be the glory!

Junior Cotillion Ball 2011

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